If you want to heal a relationship from the past, perhaps a difficult or painful one, and you’ve come to understand the importance of forgiveness in order for you to get to that place where you feel this deep sense of peace, like you can now let go of that baggage of the past, then I know that you’ve likely experienced that doing forgiveness work feels forced.
And while you might have wanted to do it mentally, there’s likely a lot of resistance that might have come up for you. That’s why I’m going to share with you another way to get to that same place, in a way that feels a lot more natural and organic.
I believe you don’t have to do forgiveness work at all.
Now what do I mean by that? Just recently I was on a call with a wonderful client when she shared with me: “There’s this person that I have a difficult relationship with and I keep reading online that I have to forgive him and I just can’t do it, I can’t I can’t say it, I can’t do those exercises”.
In my work I never do forgiveness work. I never focus on it and yet we consistently get to the same place of completion and healing. What we do instead is focus on something else. Why?
Because true healing is done in three levels and forgiveness is synonymous with the very last one.
And when I mean true healing, I mean the kind of healing that lets you feeling like:
“If I were to go through the same situation all over again, I would never have that same reactions, I would never come from that same mental space that would lead to the same outcome. In fact, I know that I would never go through the same experience because I would never attract it – essentially I understand that there was something inside of me that needed strengthening. There was a lesson I had to learn.”
This kind of healing happens by starting at the first level: The Level of Rawness of Emotion, the way I call it, in which you allow yourself to feel everything that happened, all the hurt, all the grief, all the anger, all the emotions that have gotten trapped inside your body.
The strong clue that you might be storing such emotions is the fact that you’re experiencing resistance when trying to do the typical forgiveness exercise.
Every wound is asking to be given a voice in order for it to be released.
This is a fascinating psychological as well as energetic phenomenon that’s universal to our human experience. And until you are willing to do that, your system, in its wisdom, won’t allow you to move further in the process of emotionally and energetically letting go of this person.
When you are able to name what happened and say, “This is what happened”, “This was wrong”, “My boundaries were crossed”, you bring out in the open that which hasn’t had the chance to be expressed and you immediately free yourself to go to the next level.
Doing work at this first level can sometimes prove difficult because our brains want to keep us from experiencing that pain. You might think:“I don’t want to feel the way that I used to feel all over again”.
Well, great news, because now we have incredible healing tools such as Emotional Freedom Techniques / EFT Tapping. This is what I primarily use in my work as it’s the #1 healing tool in the emerging field of Energy Psychology. Its gentle approach to releasing what’s difficult makes the healing process something you actually get to enjoy.
More specifically, properly done, EFT Tapping allows you to do work before you go into the actual difficult emotions and bring calm and stillness to your system, until you want to go there – because you’re stronger and you’re ready.
Once you have spent time honouring the pain and the righteous anger you might have, you immediately move into the next level of healing.
The is the Level of Perspective or Wisdom. It’s when the dark clouds move away and you start seeing the vastness of the sky: why what happened happened and what the role that you had to play was along with the other person – like actors on a stage.
If your experience was an early one, you might evens begin to affirm: “I was that age and I used to think this way, or I used to feel this way, so it’s only natural that I felt like that, it’s only natural that I responded like that, it’s only natural that I allowed that”.
And finally, when that pearl of wisdom emerges from the depth of understanding you acquire – like a reflex, you move into Total and Complete Love and Forgiveness.
This 3rd level is also the Level of Gratitude for everything that happened as you can now see the beauty in all that you’ve experienced. You see now how you’re much more than you used to be – because of this experience, because of this very person.
And in this state, you are open to experience the exquisite feeling of being part of the Divine tapestry.
So you have to focus on the Rawness of Emotion and do healing there first – because that’s where forgiveness work actually begins.
You can do this on your own if you feel strong enough or if the pain experienced in your relationship with this person is not that great. Create a safe space at home that evokes a feeling of a cleansing ritual, go out in nature and release it in the accepting embrace of Mother Earth, or find a trusted friend that will hold space for you. And if you need help, know that healing tools are available – so find one that helps you go through the healing process in an organic way.
Forget about forgiveness, and then when you least expect it you’ll find yourself here.
With much love and support,
Adelina
P.S. If you enjoyed this, join my free email newsletter community and get this FREE GIFT I’ve created for you!